Lessons from my Mother part 2

My Mother and Father arrive in two days to visit me for a two week, Peruvian vacation.  It seems like the perfect time to post a pair of stories about lessons I have learned from my mother. 

Don´t worry Mom, this time I´ll keep it brief! 

¨Don´t cry over a broken dish.¨

This lesson came to my mind recently when I had a very unfortunate moment in which I spilled tea on my boyfriends laptop, effectively destroying it.  I did cry, a lot.  And he responded the same way my Mother did, bringing back my first memory of breaking something in the house. 

I couldn´t tell you what I was doing, but I´m sure I was either getting ready to make myself something to eat, or finishing eating and cleaning up my dishes.  I´m betting it was a glass, probably of lemonade or juice.  Suddenly, it was on the floor, pieces of glass shattered all around me. 

And I was crying with fear that I would be in trouble. 

Within seconds my Mom found me there, amongst broken glass and crying with fear, shame and confusion.  She hugged me and told me it was no big deal, and that a dish is not worth crying over.  That idea has stuck with me over my years of breaking things, because they are just that, just things.  While it is a horribly traumatic experience to ruin something valuable that belongs to someone else, I am grateful to my Mom for instilling the idea material things are not what is most important in life. 

¨Take your pills or I´ll go get the hose and make them go down!¨

I have no doubts that I was an extremely obnoxious child.  Even imagining having to raise a child like me makes me have second thoughts about wanting to have kids of my own one day. 

So, I must have been particularly annoying one day when, when I was around 8 or 9 years old, the day when I needed to take a pill that you have to swallow and not chew.  I can just imagine that I was whining and/or crying and coming up with excuses and horror stories about taking the pill.  That is when my Mom told me that if I didn´t take my pills with my glass of water, she would go and get the hose and spray them down. 

I am assuming it was not the best day for my poor Mom.  I remember being shocked and wide-eyed.  I remember being afraid she would actually do it (children really don´t understand sarcasm, do they?).  So I took my pills, and that was that.  I have always had a really easy time swallowing pills since then. Thanks Mom! 

Parental vacation - the pre-post

I have drafted a dozen posts over the past two months and not published a single one. I am feeling as though they are uninspired, and others perhaps a bit too harsh and judgmental about some of the observations I´ve made lately. I must need a vacation….


Luckily, it is time for a Booth family jungle adventure!

My parents arrive in two days to Peru for their second visit. This time around, we are headed to the north of the country to the cloud forest/jungle of Chachapoyas and then off to Iquitos for a jungle tour. But our first stop in Lima will be a boat tour to see sea lions and Humboldt penguins. I´m so excited to get to travel around this beautiful country with them again!

It comes at a perfect time. I am feeling homesick while I see all my friends and family back home enjoying summer weather and vacation. Here in Lima, the weather is gloomy, grey and drizzly every day. I am ready for some sunshine!

My personal aspirations for the trip are to get updates from my parents about the rest of the family and our friends. I am also hoping for some sage advice about what to do with my future (am I asking too much of them?), taking some great pictures, and making some fun and entertaining memories.

This time around, I planned the entire trip instead of contracting a travel agency to do it… we shall see how it turns out. Try not to panic pops, sometimes life is more fun when it is not planned!

Lessons from my Mother part 1

This is the first of a series of entries I would like to write about lessons I have learned from my Parents that have stuck with me throughout my life as I have moved into ¨adulthood¨.  I am starting specifically with lessons from my Mother. 

As a parent, I imagine that a lot of things are said, a lot of actions taken, and you can feel very unsure about what messages are sticking, and which are not.  I am not a parent, but I feel that way when I work with youth and kids in schools.  Are they listening to me?  Will they remember this message that means so much to me?  Will they act differently from now on? 

Recently, I started reflecting on this thought.  The distinct moments of things my mother has said or done that have stuck with me until now. It occurred to me when I realized that within a lot of the way I act or think there is a whisper of my mother´s voice in my head. It occurred to me that these thoughts don´t have to be private, but in fact I could share them with my Mom and let her know how she has shaped me and molded me into the ¨responsible¨ person that I am today.

So why write this now?  Maybe it´s because I´m living abroad.  I have started reflecting on the different parenting techniques I see used here and wonder if the cultural differences in the treatment of children creates a different culture of adults. I recognize that not all parents are the same, and that I cannot generalize about ¨Peruvian Parenting¨, so I am only speaking from my experience living with two different Peruvian families, one for two years, and from experiences with my friends and their relationships with their parents.  Nonetheless, living in Peru has brought my mother´s messages to the forefront in my way of thinking, and contrasts, sometimes glaringly, with the way kids are ¨parented¨ here.

Today's messages are from my teenage years.  Not the easiest time for anyone, and certainly not an easy age to care for as a parent.   I am confident that this will not be the only entry on lessons from my teenage years. 
 
¨Make fun of yourself, not others, if you want to make people laugh.¨

I could not tell you the exact date, or my age when my mom dropped this sage advice on me, but I know I was a teenager.  The theme came up, I´m sure, over dinner or a casual conversation.  My Mom casually mentioned that she doesn´t think making fun of others is ever an appropriate way to make people laugh.  If you want to play the clown, make fun of yourself!  Because when you make fun of someone else, you run the risk of really hurting their feelings, and possibly making yourself look bad for being a jerk.  I remember really taking this to heart throughout high school, where making fun of people is an exercise that runs rampant.  I specifically remember keeping this advice in mind when we moved to Ithaca and I had to make new friends.  I would make jokes about my own incompetence, whether it was in soccer or in school, and try to get a laugh out of these strangers that I wanted to be my friends. 

This advice has become particularly important to me in Peru.  In my experience with my friends and acquaintances, it is a common practice to make fun of everyone at anytime.  Friends constantly rag on each other about their flaws, have nick names like ¨imbecil¨ and ¨stupid¨, admittedly more commonly among boys.  Kids tend to create nick names for each other that have to do with some physical characteristic, whether it be ¨fatty¨, ¨skinny¨, ¨pimply¨, ¨dark skinned¨, ¨white skinned¨, etc.  Recently I heard of a case of a darker skinned girl getting made fun of.  Her classmates were all eating tamales, which have olives in them.  To make fun of the girl, they started joking loudly ¨Oh look, an olive escaped from the tamal!¨ 

This could be harmless, but I don´t think so.  I would love to go in to all of the anthropological and social implications of a comment like this, such as the underlying racism that is still going strong in Peru.  But, mostly I brought it up because it is something I could not ever say myself.  My heart breaks a little every time my friends refer to each other as ¨idiot¨ or ¨fatty¨.  I feel powerless to stop it, and wonder if they are used to these kinds of comments, or if they hold on to a little bit of resentment. 

The downside this lesson has had on me has been that I am sometimes very self critical.   I tend to believe the mantra, ¨whatever you don´t like about another person, is something you don´t like about yourself.¨ Whenever I have a negative thought about anyone, I instantly internalize it as something I must be doing wrong.  I think sometimes I start to internalize my own jokes about myself.  They become part of my inner-dialogue and this can take a nasty turn if I let these negative ideas run away from me.  Fortunately, I have recognized the effect that talking badly about myself can have on me, and I try to avoid it.

¨Hate is a very strong word¨

And it is not a word that should not be taken lightly.  This message changed the way I thought about and used ¨hate¨ forever.  It was a normal day, and I was a ¨normal¨ teenager in the car with a couple of friends while my Mom drove us somewhere.  I imagine was with some of my soccer team teammates, and we were headed to a game, practice or tournament because these were the instances that I passed the most time in a car with my Mom and other teenage girls.

The funny thing about riding in a car with your parents when you are a kid and a teenager, is that you almost forget they are there.  It must have been incredibly hard for my parents on many occasions to not comment, laugh or get angry at our ridiculous ramblings, loud singing, or overly excited chatter.  I remember not giving my Mom´s presence a second thought as my friends and I began to speak viciously about a girl at school.  I must have said how much I ¨hated¨ her, possibly many times, for what I´m sure was a very trivial reason, when my Mom piped in.

¨Carolyn, hate is a very strong word.¨ 

I honestly think that was it.  There was no more explanation or conversation about it.  It was the way she said it.  She sounded exacerbated, like she was trying to control a bubbling frustration with our hateful speech.  I remember going silent.  I think it was as much what she said and how she said it, as it was the feeling that it came out of nowhere.  As I said, I had forgotten anyone was listening to us.  I had a a momentary experience of seeing myself from outside of myself through my Mother´s eyes and realized she was right.  Why were we being so hateful?  Why was I speaking so casually and without a second thought about what it meant?

That single moment changed me.  I would like to say I never used the word ¨hate¨ again in reference to a person.  Of course, using the word ¨never¨ is always risky because I couldn´t honestly promise that I never used it again after that moment.  I have certainly said and thought other nasty things about people throughout my life.  What I do know, is that I am painstakingly conscious of the use of the word ¨hate¨.  I always think to myself, ¨it is a VERY strong word¨ and don´t use it unless I´m sure that is how I feel.

I think this simple motherly comment made a positive impact on me and my outlook and relationship with other people throughout my life.  I think that I try to sincerely evaluate my feelings, positive or negative, towards everyone, and never let my anger or frustration cause me to unfairly ¨hate¨ or even ¨not like¨ a person.  Now, living in Peru, this is particularly important because it is very easy to feel hateful towards someone you don´t know, treating you in a way that you don´t understand because the cultural context is completely different.  I am living in a world where being assertive and even aggressive is expected.  Interrupting people is common and also expected in many cases.  Telling people they are fat when they gain a little weight is completely normal and acceptable.  So you might be able to imagine that feeling negatively towards someone might happen from time to time.  Thankfully, remembering that ¨hate¨ is a strong word, I try to reevaluate my feelings and pinpoint what it is exactly that is bothering me about a person or situation. 

As I said, these are the first two of a series of ¨lessons¨ in life that my Mother has taught me.  Other lessons will be drawn from my childhood years to my early 20´s, and will include lessons on specific themes such as relationships and friendships. 

I leave you today with a recent quote from my Mom when talking to her about applying to grad schools and applying to jobs:

¨Don´t underestimate the power of likability.¨

I love you Mom!

Mothers Day

I´m not a big fan of Mother´s Day. 

Now hold on, don´t get mad just yet.  I´m not trying to be an iconoclast (like that GRE word??).  I love my Mother, and my father, and my siblings and family.  I value them and having them in my life every day.  What I am not particularly fond of are celebration days in general.  Earth Day, Water Day, Fathers Day, Children Day, etc.

Please don´t think of me as a cynic, although sometimes that is how I feel about the events held on these days.  What I do like about these days of recognition is exactly that, they recognize something important and call attention to it.  However, in my opinion, these things have a special day all to themselves because they are so important that they should be celebrated and concentrated on, EVERYDAY. And, the reason I sometimes get frustrated by the specific day designated to them, is that the events and celebrations on these days often are excuses to try to make different organizations or people look good, even if they are not for the rest of the year. 

In Peru, Mother´s Day is a huge event.  A whole school day is often dedicated to it.  Students prepare cards, signs, posters, etc.  They also practice for days, sometimes during class hours, dance rutines and skits to perform on Mother´s Day for their Moms. 

What I have seen is that this event, often in a school, can sometimes turn into a party.  Parents come, and after the kids have all presented their poems, speeches, songs, dances, etc, the party turns more adult and there is music, food and drink.  In some cases that I have seen, there is a lottery drawing of prizes and gifts to different mothers.  The food is often prepared by the mothers, or by teachers (who themselves, in many cases, are also mothers).  The drink is offered to mothers, but primarily consumed (or ¨quaffed¨ - to make use of another GRE word) by the males.  There are sometimes uncomfortable dances, in which many mothers don´t really want to participate.  By the end, it turns into a party/drinking event, often requiring the mothers to cook, provide food and clean up, while simultaneously being the centers of attention. 

I had an upbeat conversation with a local taxi driver the day before mother´s day, telling him it was not such a big deal in the US.  I explained that, at least for my family, it is a more personal thing, and that usually we try to do things for our Mom that day so that she can relax.  He laughed and said ¨Here, we all celebrate grandly for our Moms.  We go and visit them with gifts, and they make all the food and do all the cleaning up.¨

I think these events have a lot of heart and meaning in them.  I also think that it is an excuse to say ¨Thanks Mom¨, once a year, while being ungrateful or even abusive for the rest of the year.  I think Mothers should be celebrated everyday, and Mother´s Day should be an extension of that general goodness and caring. 

I think that is my general problem with all National and International recognition days.  I like them because they call attention to important issues, people or events.  But, sometimes it turns into an excuse to act like you care about something for a day, while completely neglecting it the rest of the year.  

I suppose the message I want to dejar (leave) in this post is that we should all celebrate our Moms, Dads, Mother Earth, Children, Water, etc, EVERYDAY.  Be conscious of your actions, and be generous with love.

And to round this little tyrade out, I want to write a special note to my Mom.  She is the reason I am who I am.  She is confident, proud of me no matter what, loving and nurturing all the time, and always there for us kids when we need her.  I´m so happy to have been raised by her and my Dad and feel fortunate all the time to be part of my wonderful family.  I could not have asked for a better one.  Thank you Mom, I love you! 

Until next time.

¿Cuál es tú vocación?

What is your calling?   Or, what do you want to do with your life?

Isn´t that the question that we all ask ourselves repeatedly as we grow up?  Even as adults, or in our elder years, I´m sure this question emerges as our lives shift and our interests change. 

For a young, going on ¨late-20´s¨ something like myself, it is constantly on my mind.  In school and University, we begin to discover what it is we like to study.  Because of that, we chose a degree to persue, and write papers, study and read about a subject that keeps us enthralled.  After school, we either persue higher studies to get a more professional degree or join the Peace Corps (those are our only two options.. right?).  Some might even get jobs and start bringing in some income, but these jobs usually have nothing to do with the studies we have just finished focusing on for four years. 

Through experience, we start to realize what it is we ¨like¨, what makes us happy, what frustrates us.  I feel like it is an ongoing and very long process.  And I am writing this entry because I am JUST beginning to figure it is what I like. 

For two years, I worked ¨in the field¨ with very little experience and even less Spanish speaking ability.  I organized projects and taught classes, but what I really loved was talking on the radio once a week.  Then, I went and working as the Volunteer Coordinator for the Peace Corps Peru Environment Program.  This involved working in an office 5 days a week like a normal full time job, mixed in with visiting volunteers in their sites and planning training events.  My favorite parts of this job were time spent with volunteers and planning and participating in training events.  Now, I work for two organizations that work with schools and youth.  In one, I work three days a week in an office and work on a computer all day, most days.  The 4th day (saturdays) we run youth groups with underpriveleged kids from poorer areas in Lima.  For the other organization, I run an environmental schools network with the head coordinator and we run workshops for teachers. 

Recently, I have had a few opportunities to give talks to teachers and to be in classrooms with students.  I have found that every time, I feel nervous about the event, but that during and afterwords I feel incredibly energized and optomistic.  I leave feeling full of energy and positivity in a way that nothing else makes me feel.  While I already knew I liked working with people, I never thought I would love being a presenter. 

And its not just that, it is the newfound ability to identify the positive feelings associated with doing something you like.  I feel like I become the best version of myself.  Outgoing, positive, optomisitic and energetic.  It is the way I would want to live my life all the time, but that I find myself losing when I work indoors, isolated, typing away at a computer all day.  When I am with people, on the other hand, particularly youth, I feel motivated.  My heart goes out to them and I want to help and teach everyone.  I want to be in a million places at once and give them all the opportunities that I can.

So here is to learning what I like, and hoping it guides me to what I will ¨BE¨. 

April Easter Bunny Chocolate Sweetness

Right before the end of lent, I recieved a package from my Mom full of chocolate!  What a wonderful surprise!

Amazingly, I have not binged on it like I thought I would after 40 chocolate free days.

Here in Perú, the two week days before Easter Sunday are part of what is called ¨Saints Week¨ (Semana Santa) and it is a national holiday.  I decided with my four free days (thursday - sunday) to go traveling to see my host family.  I had not seen them since October! I even convinced Alfonso to go with me to meet my Peruvian family!

Exploring my favorite northern city
So we arrived in Chiclayo and planned to have two touristy days because he is not from there.  One day we mostly wandered around the city and relaxed after sleeping on buses the night before.  But on the second day, we went to a beach town and watched fisherman on boats made of straw pull their catch up onto the beach and sell it to local people who instantly crowded around.

It was a cloudy and chilly day (relatively), so we had no motivation to actually swim, but watching local fisherman was a cool experience.  
(If a picture is worth a thousand words, this woman says everything I want to say about how awesome seeing this was.... Anyone want to buy an octopus?)

After the beach, we went on a search for the best ¨Arroz con Pato¨ (Duck and Rice) plate that we could find.  This is a traditional and very well done specialty from the Lambayeque region, so I was excited to eat the best by the best!  We went to a nearby town called Lambayeque, where Alfonso seemed to remember eating at a great restaurant.  He didn´t recognize anything because they are replacing the entire sewer system!  After a few semi-grosed out minutes of wandering the streets and getting some good photos, we actually found it!  The food was amazing, but more importantly, I got this shot while wandering around.

(Raw meat being carried into a local market)

Finally... To Olmos!  

We finally got on our way to Olmos on Friday night so as to visit my host family on Saturday morning. We got some great Olmos street food and admired the church and the giant lime hand statue... the two main events in Olmos.

Saturday morning, bright and early, we piled into a moto and headed out to my old Peace Corps village!  I was so excited I was shaking.  I always feel nervous excited to see my host family, and even more excited that Alfonso was going to meet them after everything I had told him about them.  We arrived and the entire family was there, even my host Dad who stayed home from work to greet me.

But soon we were whisked off to an event that the new volunteer in town had planned for me to participate in while I was in town, an Easter Egg painting event with the local kids!  It was a blast.  I saw all my old students and a lot of their parents came to see me as well.  We dyed eggs and played games and generally roasted in the hot northern sun.  I was so happy to see everyone and share the experience with the new volunteer in town, who I am happy to say loves the village as much as I do!

   

Afterwards we had a delicious lunch of Duck!  My host family killed ducks for our arrival because they knew it was my favorite.  They even cooked up some beans!  The food was excellent.


Soon, I got to introduce Alfonso to the highlight of the town, the local river.  We went at least three times in only a day and half.  Playing and enjoying the cool water in the extreme heat.  

(Host bro leaping into the pretty shallow water.  We had to ask him not to dive in head first! haha)

(Alfonso, myself and my little host sister)

Another highlight for me personally was seeing my youngest baby host sister looking so big and healthy.  She was only three months old when I moved out, and she is not a year and a few months and looks fantastic, walks around, and can say a few basic words.  She is a real treasure in the house.  I also brought a few story books for the youngsters, and was thrilled when they got really excited about them and started reading them to me.  

This little guy (left) reminded me that I had promised to bring him playing cards.  I had completely forgotten, so I sent him off wish a few soles and told him to buy a deck.  I don´t think I´ve ever seen him happier!  We played a couple rounds of his favorite game, casino, (not what you are imagining, trust me).  Love my little-ist bro!
















(Reading the ugly duckling and thumbelina)

Sunday Lunch

On Sunday, my final day with my host family, I decided to take them out to a seafood lunch at the local volunteer favorite for ceviche and Arroz con Mariscos - Rice with Seafood.  It was so fun hanging out with them and having a different type of Sunday in which my host Mom didn´t have to cook and the kids got out of the house!  

Overall, it was such a happy reunion and good time.  I´m glad I got to see my host family again!  They are such a wonderful, caring and loving family and I am so happy to have them in my life!  Thank you for giving me a fun filled Semana Santa.  

So really, what are you still doing in Perú?

Maybe I should have led with this at the start of the year.  But in all honesty, I didn´t really know exactly what I would be doing in my posts this year until recently. 

So what do I do?

For starters, I work with two organizations:  One is an NGO and the other is an Organization.  I contacted them towards the end of last year when I realized I wanted to stay in Lima for a longer period of time.  I coordinated with these two organizations to see if they would have work for me if I offered myself up as a volunteer.  Then, I worked with Peace Corps to see if the position was of value to them.  Ultimately, they decided it was, and hopefully a volunteer from the Peace Corps Response program will fill my position once my year is up. 

So what do these two organizations do? 

GEA

The NGO is called Grupo GEA.  They are a big NGO that has been around for 30 years. They manage all kinds of projects from clean water campaigns, to helping companies ¨go green¨.  I work on one specific project under their ecological schools campaigns.  The program is called Buena Voz or ¨Good Voice¨.  The idea of Buena Voz is to invest in Peru´s youth, specifically in poor areas in and around Lima.  The program presents itself to different schools in these impoverished areas, offering to train teachers and provide reimbursements for transport and food for all the participating teachers in order to start the program.  The program consists of sessions that are held every Saturday for the entire school year with a select group of around 30-35 students in the last three years of high school from each school.  These students are selected based on their leadership qualities and interest, and not at all for their grades.  During the year, they learn about self-esteem, leadership, environmental problems and the history of their area.  By the end of the year, the majority are much more outspoken and participative.  What really makes the program special is that it offers a space for youth in difficult situations (poor families, no water, a lot of crime in the area, no idea/prospects/funds for education after high school) and are given the opportunity to be heard and to make changes.  At the end of the year, the students in the program do some sort of school or community project that they themselves choose, plan and execute. 

My role is to help with the teacher trainings before the school year starts (it is just not starting).  During the year, I will be meeting once a week with a group of students that have graduated from this program and keep them informed about possibilities for work, study or extracurricular activities that they could participate in.  I will also invite professionals, institutions and schools to meet with this group to help them figure out their interests and try to encourage them to go to college when they finish high school.  I also help monitor and evaluate the Saturday sessions every Saturday. 

ENO

The other organization I work with is call ENO - Environment Online.  It is an organization whose idea is to create an international learning network through their website.  They have campaigns in countries all over the world.  The idea is that they find a coordinator in each country who then spreads the word to local schools so that the schools participate in environmental events and education.  They select monthly environmental themes that schools should focus on, and they organize two tree planting events per year.  Their goal is to plant 1,000,000 trees by 2017 around the world by working electronically with schools.  I work with the country coordinator in Peru.  We train teachers on how to teach the different environment themes by teaching them fun activities they can incorporate and how to tie it in with different subjects.  I also help her find more schools to participate, and will help coordinate the tree planting days. 

That is a basic breakdown of my work this year.  I seem to like organizations with 3 letter acronyms... haha.  The day to day stuff varies constantly, but is seems to always keep me on my toes.  Meanwhile, I am still technically a Peace Corps volunteer!  Linking Peace Corps to more national organizations so that we have more partners and more outreach.  I definitely work many more hours than I did when I was in my small village in the north of Perú!  Not that the two are even near comparable.  I certainly miss hanging out in the river and playing in the fruit trees!

I plan on writing soon about the day-to-day of living in Lima.  With lots of pictures! 

Thanks for reading, until next time!